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Showing posts with label honesty. Show all posts
Showing posts with label honesty. Show all posts

Friday, April 12, 2013

NaPoWriMo - Day Twelve - Spit it Out!

I thought too much on this.
Probably because I've already
written one poem for you
and I think that two might
make you too important.
The fact is though-
you're not.

You're a closed chapter in
the book of my life.
A footnote that literally
means nothing other than
lesson learned - I'm
moving on now.

Yet here I sit, writing about
you, or to you - again, and
NO, it's not because you're
that important, regardless
of what you might think
it's simply because....

I was taught respect.

I was taught to never talk back
to my elders
or to those in charge
to those who warrant some
modicum of regard
no matter how you might really feel.

You though?
You don't deserve any of that,
even though I could never
bring myself to say the words
aloud.
At least not to your face.

You, my dear, are a travesty
of holiness, a black smudge
on the face of humankind. You--
with your fake smile, your
holier than thou disposition.
A parody of good intent.

You're everything that makes me
sick. The game-playing, the whispers
to one about the other, then back
again, spreading lies and filth with
every breath, but I at least, see truth
I see the false intentions.

You destroyed a part of my life
that I cherished deeply.
You wounded the ones I love most
hurt them in that place in their
hearts that matters most.
Destroyed self-confidence. Trust.

You're nothing but a pretender.
A false prophet, not in sheeps clothing
because sheep are cute and fluffy. You?
You're a reptile, a leech, something
that lurks in the dark because
in the light, even you could see the ugliness.

You're a hypocrite. A liar.
I can almost hate you because I
wanted so badly to believe
that I could have something that
I needed so desperately, but in the end
you have to have cared to hate.

I feel good, because I don't hate you.
I feel sorry for you.
I pity you and your fake life.
I can't imagine how shallow you must be
For your pettiness to have grown
and grown to take you over so completely.

I feel better because I know
that I am the better person.
Maybe that's spiteful, but I don't
think so. I think it's honest.
I think it's important that I've
restored what you stole from me.

I've also been taught
not to judge, but I do.
It might never be spoken, but it's there.
I hope that you've changed
although I doubt you have
because otherwise,

I'm fairly certain
your destination will not
be the one you sing about
on and on and on and on
I'm sorry to say
but a place much darker indeed.







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Saturday, January 14, 2012

Thirty Days of Truth - Day Fifteen

Someone or something you couldn't live without, because you've tried.

Wow.  Really?  Whoever came up with these questions are making a person really think.  To be honest with you I'm still thinking.  I figured I'd start writing and see what I come up with because I honestly couldn't think of anything, other than the obvious things I couldn't do without, but then I'm not living without those things so it's a hard question.  I feel like I have to think of something deep and meaningful, but those are usually things you don't try to live without right?  So again, how would you know?

I'll admit to the world, I'm a smoker.  I don't want to quit.  Have no desire to.  Could I if I wanted to?  Yeah.  That's a no dice.

Coffee?  Yeah, can do without that, wouldn't like it even though it's not a die hard habit.

Chocolate?  Nah, couldn't live without it, but have never tried, so again it's a nix.

Television?  Electronics?  Surprise, surprise?  Could so live without those.  In fact, I wish there was like one day a week nationwide when NO electronics were allowed at all.  Cellphones, televisions, computers, the whole nine yards.  A day to get back to the basics, lock out the outside world in your home and spend time with nothing but the people you love the most.

Hmmm, what next.....

Money.  Ugh.  I'm talking here the money most people take for granted.  The money that allows you to take a vacation, pay your bills, eat out every once in a while, that kind of thing.  I've never been homeless or destitute so I'm not even going there.  I can tell you that when we went from making a LOT of money to not having enough to pay our bills was tough.  I wouldn't WANT to go through that again, but honestly?  I could live.  We used to go all out for Christmas.  My husband and I would spend upwards of thousands on each other for Christmas.  When we couldn't pay our bills, we chose to nix Christmas gifts for each other all together.  For the past five years we haven't exchanged gifts at all.  You know what?  It's been great.  No worrying about expectations, finding the "perfect" gift, it's really been great.  We can focus all our attention on our daughter and have had the best Christmases ever.  This year when we COULD afford to buy gifts for each other, we still chose not to.  We had a fantastic holiday.  I could go without the stress of worrying about having my house foreclosed on but again, we're talking about being able to make it and we managed to make it somehow or other.

I'm floundering here now, can you tell?  I haven't really had to live without anything I couldn't live without.  I'm going to get all deep now I think......is there really anything you can't live without?  Other than air, food, water, shelter?  Back in 1981 I'd have told you I couldn't live without my Dad, but I did.  I had to.

I guess I really suck at the whole thirty days of truth thing because I'm either not able to see the humor in it or I'm just too.....something.....easy going?  Naive?  Something.  Selfish maybe?  I have never voluntarily given up anything I couldn't live without.  Who would?  If it's not voluntary, why would you give it up?  Am I missing something here?  Maybe I need to go read some other people's so I can get a new perspective.  Maybe I thought this through TOO much and missed something obvious.  I'm taking this too literally I think, but it's thirty days of truth and I'm trying to be truthful.  Maybe I need to leave now and visit fail blog or something!


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