Thirty Days of Truth - Day Four

So, just about anything has to be better than yesterday right?  Here we are at day four and the topic is:

Something you have to forgive someone for.

Wow, another long story I'm afraid, so here goes.

Quite a few years ago my husband and I were deeply involved in church.  The church we were going to was a small one and my husband felt called into the ministry.  We spent a year of our lives going to Roanoke, VA every month for a weekend to attend classes to get our credentials, studied hard and worked our butts off to make it through the class.

At the time we were serving as volunteer youth pastors at the church.  We had about 15 kids that we adored more than almost anything.  They loved us as well.  We took them all to Tennessee two different years for a huge event called Winterfest and we loved our ministry, our kids, our calling.  We named the group The Voice of Truth from lyrics from the band called Casting Crowns.

I won't go into a lot of details, but things started going wrong.  Kids confided in us and we were bound by their confidence to stay silent as long as the things they divulged weren't things that were a threat to the kids themselves or to anyone else.  Things like losing virginity, smoking, drinking, etc.  Parents started worrying about the bond that we were forging with their kids and some started causing problems for us.  I had parents trying to force me into telling them if their daughters were virgins or if their kids were sneaking out and drinking.  I kept my vow to the kids and refused to tell the parents.  My feeling was that I was in a position to help these kids and if they couldn't trust me, well, they wouldn't come to me any more.  I stand by that belief now as much as I did then no matter what the cost was or is.

At the time my daughter was about 12.  She wasn't allowed to participate in the youth group since she wasn't a teenager but we tried to make up by spending time doing things with her outside of the church setting.  Kitty has always been a great kid, as much then as now.  Her best friends also went to the church and some of them were involved in the series of events that followed.

In the end, there was a huge bout of nastiness and the parents that were involved lashed out at my daughter instead of bringing their hatred and jealousy to me directly.  There was a woman in particular, a woman of power in the church who should have been held to higher standards.  Should have been ashamed of herself for what she said and did to my daughter, but she wasn't.  She kept her stance and we ended up leaving the church, and my daughter?  Well, she pretty much had an emotional meltdown.

We tried another church after that and again there was a parent that undermined me and my family, based on her claim that "I'm the parent, you're not supposed to be closer to my child than I am."  It's odd really, because I'm not a huge fan of kids.  My daughter wouldn't have even been around were it not for an oopsie, but for some reason I have the ability to get close to teenagers.  Maybe because I'm not condescending or judgmental or maybe just because I listen and don't spout off a bunch of rules and lectures and such.  I thought I was doing the right thing, but in the end, it was my daughter and my husband who paid the price for it.

Those two "mothers" caused irreparable damage to my child.  Emotionally, mentally, spiritually.  She now thinks that it's okay to be treated badly because "role models" in her youth did it to her.  Same as yesterday I suppose, I know I should forgive them, maybe I have in some respect, but then again, maybe not.  And again, not sure I want to.  There is a reason they call me Mama Kitty, when it comes to my child, I'm no less fierce than one.