When God answers prayer

It's 6:30 in the morning.  I can't tell you the last time I was up this early in the morning.  
Last week, I stumbled across an old bottle of Ritalin I'd forgotten all about.  I looked at the expiration date and realized it's about a year and a half past it's expiration date, but I didn't want to throw it away so I put it in my night table, figuring I might try it sometime or other and see what happened.
Well, I've been sleeping a LOT lately.  More than usual even which is saying something.
Recently we started going to church again.  It's been a long time and I'll be honest, getting up in time to make it even to the 11:00 service has been difficult.  Last night I went to bed early and knew I'd still have trouble getting up to get dressed and ready in time, so I figured I'd take a Ritalin right before I went to sleep.  
Now, it's been almost three years since I was on medication.  I took them for seven years and they'd stopped working completely.  My sleep doctor recommended I go off medication for three to six months to see if my body would "reset".  It didn't.  He suggested a year.  Still didn't reset.  The Ritalin worked for about a week and then I reverted right back to sleeping my life away.
I knew that if I took one, one of three things would happen.
I'd still sleep all night.
I'd go to sleep and wake up and not be able to go back to sleep again, or
I wouldn't sleep at all.
The second was spot on.  I slept for about an hour before Molly kitten decided to snuggle up against my face and woke me up.  As hard as I tried, I couldn't go back to sleep.  Since I always fall asleep while I try to say my prayers, I figured that would be a good time to work on that.  While I was praying, I remembered one very important prayer I'd once uttered.
I was very involved in church since childhood.  I don't remember not going to church until the past four or five years.  A story for another day.  My dad though, he refused to go with us.  I always wished he'd go, as a child I was worried about what might happen to him if he died.  I prayed and prayed that one Sunday morning, he'd get up and go to church with me and Mom, but it never happened.
Well, one particular week, we were having a revival at our church.  The minister preached about prayer.  About the power of prayer and how we should be careful what we pray for.  I remember him saying exactly "If you pray "whatever it takes" be prepared for what might happen."
I thought about it and at the time I thought I could handle whatever might happen.  I wanted my Dad in church.  I wanted him "saved" so if anything ever happened to him, he'd go to Heaven.  I was sixteen years old.  I prayed the "whatever it takes" prayer.
My Dad went to church that Sunday.  First time in my entire life.
On Tuesday, he was dead.
When the doctor came out and told us he was gone, the first thing I thought about was that prayer.  The next few days while we were planning the funeral, accepting people at the house with food, while I was trying to sleep, a week later when I went to work at my first job all I thought about was that prayer.  
On one side, I felt this preternatural peace about my Dad.  I knew then as I know now without a doubt he's in Heaven.  On the other side, I felt guilt.  I still feel guilt sometimes.  I lost one of the most important things in my life that day, and I'll always feel like it started with a prayer.
I'll wrap this up by saying, that yes, God answers prayers, and yes, always be careful what you pray for.


Please read this post to read about my friend Michelle and help her get her life back.Support Michelle Fundraiser (Help Pay for Medical Expenses)

When Friends Really Need You - Please Read!

On April 2, 2011, one of my best friends in the world had her life changed forever.
Michelle has always been full of life, keeping busy, being a mother, an ex-wife, a girlfriend, a career woman, a friend, a sister, a daughter, the whole nine.  Just a week before April 2, she got married to the love of her life.  They had a small wedding but it was beautiful.  Michelle wore a red dress and looked like a million bucks.
A week later, she and her brand new husband when four wheeling.  Her day ended in the hospital.  Her four wheeler flipped and broke her spine.  She's now paralyzed from the waist down and the doctors say she'll never walk again.
If you're wondering why I haven't posted about this before now, I'll tell you why.
Me and Michelle are pretty much just alike.  We're stubborn, headstrong and mean when we need to be.  We both refuse to ask for help from anyone unless we absolutely have to and then we hate it.  Strong to us has equaled total independence.  Not needing anyone.
I know a lot of you will say something about that, and I've tried to do better, but it's hard.  It's like for people who are like that it's not a decision, it's hard-wired into the brain and it's not easy to just change, no matter how silly you sometimes realize it is to be that way.  We all need help sometimes, right?
Well, I've barely talked to Michelle since all this happened because I know her.
She did exactly what I knew she'd do.  She shut down and internalized, all the while trying to be everything to everyone like she's always done.  She pushed herself to go back to work after only three months.  She forces herself to get up and get dressed and do what needs to be done, even when she doesn't feel like it.
She's got two boys of her own and three stepchildren now.  
She's struggling now.  Emotionally, mentally, and of course physically.
How is it fair that she can't feel anything in her legs except pain.  Burning.  Pins and needles. Constant pain.
She refuses to take pain medications that will make her a zombie, because it's Michelle, she's got things to do.  
We finally talked today.  I told her how much I loved her and she told me the same.  We just know.  We don't have to talk every day or every week or even every month to know.  We know each other well enough to know that we'll always be there for each other when we really NEED it.  
After talking to her though, I realized that there's more I can do.  I've got resources.  I've got people who come hear and read, people who follow me on Twitter and you've all got friends and people.  Right now her medical bills are over a million bucks.  You and I both know she'll never get that paid off.  That's after the insurance payments have been made.  The financial strain is adding up on top of the other issues she's dealing with.  So....I'm asking because I can ask for people I love even when I can't for myself.
I've never put a donate button on my blog, but I think this warrants one.  I'll keep the button on my blog and I'll add it to every post I write from now on.  If you can't afford to donate, it's all cool, just say a little prayer for her and maybe tell a friend about this post and drive some traffic my way.  If you can donate, well I'd appreciate it more than you know.  Michelle would too.
I haven't told her about this post and I won't until I've got some money to give her.  I'm pretty sure she'll be okay with this, but like I said she's stubborn, and it's easier to ask forgiveness than permission right?
If you're willing, please post a blog for us, linking to this post so we can get the word out and maybe get donations that I wouldn't get without your help.  Your help would mean the world to me and to Michelle too!

Support Michelle Fundraiser

Mad Dog Melodrama - Poetry

Through a million dreams 
I follow his image 

he was already dead 
when I stumbled over him 
dropping my purse and 
tearing pantyhose and skin beneath

on hands and knees I fumbled 
for lipsticks and lighters 
mixed amid empty bottles of 
Mad Dog 
that had failed to keep him warm
eyelashes rimmed with frost
framing forever unseeing eyes 

I had to step over him to 
stumble, crying,  up the stairs 
fingers trembling to 
call nine one one 

My boss already there, 
warm.  Working.
drinking coffee. 

I asked him over lunch 
if he'd seen 
if he knew 

"Hell yes I saw him! Scared the shit 
out of me!   Damn bums asking for coffee and shit! 
Maybe we'll get lucky one day 
and he'll go back to where he came from...."


©Donna J. P. Riley


Another oldie.  True story.  Still breaks my heart and feeds my compassion for the homeless.


Not nearly as well written as some of my other work, but I never tried to edit, I felt that the imperfection suited the story.

Have Yourselves a Merry Little Christmas

Only thirteen more days until Christmas.  It seems strange that as kids we look forward to Christmas Day all year long, and as adults this is the one time of year that we find smiles come a little easier, goodwill a little more quickly.  The lights, the gifts, yes, even the shopping and decorating and everything we consider work seems to be a little bit easier to find joy in doing.  The Spirit of Christmas for a few short weeks is alive and glowing and making us all better people.

Since I've started blogging, I've found the most amazing group of people.  People who unselfishly take time from their day to read about and comment on the lives and interests of others.  People who take the time to create ways for us to explore new avenues of expression.  When I first started my blog, I wrote a few articles, and quickly got depressed because I wasn't sure how to find people interested in reading what I wrote.  If no one reads your writing, it's still writing, it's still therapeutic, but part of the link remains broken.  AubrieAnne helped me find interest in starting to write again, to once more devote my time to my blog and for that I am eternally grateful.  Her inspiration came at a time when I was willing to try again, maybe harder this time.

Then I discovered For the Love of Blogs.  One little hop and I discovered a world that was out there, a world of people who feel some of the same things I do, struggle with the same obstacles I struggle with, suffer the same disappointments and fears, and most of all find joy and happiness in much of the same things.  Through making that one little decision to follow that page, I've been immersed in so much love and caring and genuine happiness that it's hard to put into words.

Since from time to time words fail even me (I know, shocking) I'll make an attempt to put my wishes for you to paper or keyboard as the case may be in the only way I know how.  Broken, random, but sincere.  I wish that each of you, my friends whom I've never met but love dearly nonetheless, a Christmas filled with:

The love you give doubled when it returns to you.

Trust that you will never be alone.

The ability to see beauty in everything around you and in your own mirror.

Joy in the simple things so easily taken for granted.

The pleasure from a warm cup of tea or coffee and a moment of time to call your own.

Smiles to light your day and make everything seem possible.

Hope for the future.

Memories for the past.

Happiness in the present.

The warmth of caring for others.

The solitude of getting lost in a good book.

An unforgettable moment with a best friend.

A movie that makes you cry.

An unexpected moment that makes you laugh.

A moment of clarity where you can see forever.

The ability to reconcile a past so you won't have any regrets.

A view that takes your breath away.

The caress of snow on your cheeks.

The warmth of the sun on your toes.

The blessing of knowing you are loved.

Enough pain to know pleasure.

Enough tears to know joy.

Enough sadness to appreciate happiness.

The sparkle of moonlight on the water.

The glimmer of frost on the windows.

Glowing light from a candle.

The velvety darkness of  a starlit sky.

The comforting crackling of a warm fire.

And finally, the health, happiness, love, joy, and wonder to experience the desires of your heart not only during Christmas, but every day, by keeping the spirit of the holidays alive in your heart throughout the year.

Share your Christmas wishes for your friends here, and make sure you stop by and say thank you.  For the opportunity to express your appreciation not only for her, but for all your friends, no matter how far apart they are, the friends who share their lives and loves and hopes with you through their blogs and their writings.

I hope you all have the most wonderful Holiday Season ever.  Thank you for sharing with me, for accepting me into your lives even if it's only through a little space on the web.  You are all loved.