NaPoWriMo - Day Eighteen - And yada yada yada and...

I never dreamed that a nieces wedding could totally monopolize and entire weekend, but it did and so I find myself four days behind, before I'm finally caught up from the lovely festivities. It was a lovely wedding though and the wedding cake I made turned out quite lovely despite its catastrophe on Friday that required a near total salvage effort, and the cupcakes my daughter made were oh so cute. The bride was beautiful, the tent that was destroyed by high winds on Friday night was repaired early Saturday morning and no one would have ever known so much bad luck preceded the actual event. So now that I've attempted to get back into my poetry, we'll see what happens, three poems in one day might be more than I can manage, but we shall see. So for the NaPoWriMo prompt for the day, a poem that begins and ends with the same word, let's have at it!


Alone I sit
at my small desk in
the hallway
I don't know
what to write anymore
each evening, after dinner
I reach for coffee
and cigarettes
staring at blank pages
that stare back at me

They've laughed before
those papers
knowing that the pen
I hold
will never touch them
that listless fingers
will give up,
walk away, defeated.

There is so much
I NEED to write
so much that needs
to be expelled,
to be birthed
but a friend said
"Never, ever write
what should be written".

So I argue
with myself, my writing
afraid to violate
some unwritten rule
of poetry by needing
something or anything
this badly.

Finally,
words are born
but the struggle to
answer questions is immediately
followed by questioning
of those answers
just found.

A never ending
circle of words, poetry,
healing
that is mine and mine
alone.







Support Michelle Fundraiser (Help Pay for Medical Expenses)

When Friends Really Need You - Please Read!

On April 2, 2011, one of my best friends in the world had her life changed forever.
Michelle has always been full of life, keeping busy, being a mother, an ex-wife, a girlfriend, a career woman, a friend, a sister, a daughter, the whole nine.  Just a week before April 2, she got married to the love of her life.  They had a small wedding but it was beautiful.  Michelle wore a red dress and looked like a million bucks.
A week later, she and her brand new husband when four wheeling.  Her day ended in the hospital.  Her four wheeler flipped and broke her spine.  She's now paralyzed from the waist down and the doctors say she'll never walk again.
If you're wondering why I haven't posted about this before now, I'll tell you why.
Me and Michelle are pretty much just alike.  We're stubborn, headstrong and mean when we need to be.  We both refuse to ask for help from anyone unless we absolutely have to and then we hate it.  Strong to us has equaled total independence.  Not needing anyone.
I know a lot of you will say something about that, and I've tried to do better, but it's hard.  It's like for people who are like that it's not a decision, it's hard-wired into the brain and it's not easy to just change, no matter how silly you sometimes realize it is to be that way.  We all need help sometimes, right?
Well, I've barely talked to Michelle since all this happened because I know her.
She did exactly what I knew she'd do.  She shut down and internalized, all the while trying to be everything to everyone like she's always done.  She pushed herself to go back to work after only three months.  She forces herself to get up and get dressed and do what needs to be done, even when she doesn't feel like it.
She's got two boys of her own and three stepchildren now.  
She's struggling now.  Emotionally, mentally, and of course physically.
How is it fair that she can't feel anything in her legs except pain.  Burning.  Pins and needles. Constant pain.
She refuses to take pain medications that will make her a zombie, because it's Michelle, she's got things to do.  
We finally talked today.  I told her how much I loved her and she told me the same.  We just know.  We don't have to talk every day or every week or even every month to know.  We know each other well enough to know that we'll always be there for each other when we really NEED it.  
After talking to her though, I realized that there's more I can do.  I've got resources.  I've got people who come hear and read, people who follow me on Twitter and you've all got friends and people.  Right now her medical bills are over a million bucks.  You and I both know she'll never get that paid off.  That's after the insurance payments have been made.  The financial strain is adding up on top of the other issues she's dealing with.  So....I'm asking because I can ask for people I love even when I can't for myself.
I've never put a donate button on my blog, but I think this warrants one.  I'll keep the button on my blog and I'll add it to every post I write from now on.  If you can't afford to donate, it's all cool, just say a little prayer for her and maybe tell a friend about this post and drive some traffic my way.  If you can donate, well I'd appreciate it more than you know.  Michelle would too.
I haven't told her about this post and I won't until I've got some money to give her.  I'm pretty sure she'll be okay with this, but like I said she's stubborn, and it's easier to ask forgiveness than permission right?
If you're willing, please post a blog for us, linking to this post so we can get the word out and maybe get donations that I wouldn't get without your help.  Your help would mean the world to me and to Michelle too!

Support Michelle Fundraiser