NaPoWriMo - Day 21 - Narcoleptic Fortune Cookies

The NaPoWriMo prompt for the day was to rewrite Frank O'Haras "Lines for the Fortune Cookies". It's funny how the prompts that seem the most simplistic are often the most difficult to complete.

Fortune Cookies for the Narcoleptic

You must open your eyes to see the sun.

No matter how long you sleep, if you wake it's not forever.

A glass of wine will often make anyone drowsy.

Sleep through a thousand sunsets and the one is more beautiful.

The sun will rise even if you're never awake to watch it.

Time spent enjoying nothing is not wasted.

When moments are numbered, each becomes more precious.

Write down everything and you'll forget nothing.

Say goodbye carefully lest it be your last.

Smile often, there is no such thing as too much joy.

Whatever you might love, do it often and with passion.

Cherish the good and ignore the rest.





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NaPoWriMo - Day Seventeen - A Poem of Greeting

For NaPoWriMo today, the prompt is to write a greeting.


Good Morning Moon

My days and nights are confused
once again, I'm afraid
slumber calls far too often, I
wake to sunsets and quiet
instead of the early morning
bustle of life, of people
talking and living and breathing

I realize there's a problem
when the cats sleep less
than I -- when I drift off
to warm bodies snuggled tight
and wake to a cold and lonely
bed, covers pushed away
thrashing limbs on a
posturepedic battlefield.

I've near forgotten the warmth
of sunlight on skin, the
flutter of leaves sparkling
with morning dew.
I've given up the day
a nightwalker, a star that
blazes brightly, but still
for not nearly long enough.

My heart is given to sunshine
and flowers, to birds singing
and dirt under my fingernails
to newly sprouted dahlias
and apple trees, to the sound of
lawnmowers and trimmers
buzzing along merrily
changing daily the landscape of light

My body though denies me much,
all those things I love,
it battles furiously for the night
holding me down - struggling
against all that is light and beauty
forcing another kind of glory,
a shimmering silver perfection....
Good Morning, Moon.







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Cats, Housecleaning, Remodeling and Eagles

As most of my readers know, I've got a sleeping disorder that other than affecting my ability to stay awake wreaks havoc on my ability to focus.  Seriously.
Well, we're down to 17 cats in the house now, thank goodness!  We had one adopted last night and another lady is coming to look at one tonight.  Having so many in the house makes housecleaning not only a constant, but a constantly BEHIND.  It seems like no matter how much I clean there's still more to clean.

How many cats is too many?  Mine!

Part of that, I'll admit is my lack of ability to declutter, which I've been working on.  Until it's completed, cleaning is going to be harder than it should.  On top of that, I have a bad habit of starting projects and not finishing them.  Like my kitchen cabinets.  They were installed when we had the house built and are builder grade cabinets.  I've never liked them, and finally decided I wanted to paint them white.  I finished all the painting except for the two on the opposite side of the kitchen which is just as well, since I've decided I don't like the white.  So now, most of my cabinets are white, a couple are wood tone and a few are blue, oh and one is pink.  Yeah, staining over paint doesn't work.  I mean I knew it wouldn't but I thought I might like the color.  I don't.  

For the record, I look NOTHING like Barbie!

Then there's the countertops.  I decided I was going to paint them too.  I got two cans of textured paint and a little bottle of copper glaze and went to town.  Everything was going great until I ran out of the spray paint.  When I got another can, it didn't perform the same way so a section of the countertop looked different than the rest which meant sanding down that entire portion.  I also didn't realizing sanding would be so hard.  That stuff is like crazy glue!  Soooo, my cabinets are less than half done, my countertops are a little more than half done.
Now I'm in the process of taking up the carpeting in the downstairs.  We're going to get insurance money to have the kitchen floor repaired, but I was planning on doing the installation myself, that way I can get laminate at our local salvage store and replace the flooring in the entire downstairs with just the money it would cost to replace the kitchen flooring.  The problem is that I've got too  much furniture.  How do you move everything in one room to pull up carpet when there's no room in the other room for the furniture.  Easy right?  I've decided I'm going to just start cutting out squares of the carpeting, then move one piece at a time out and cut out that carpeting until it's all done.  The problem is I'm married.  
How is that a problem?  The hubs immediate has concerns that the house will get cold if we don't replace the flooring right away and I'm not quite ready to do that.  On top of that, there's the small problem of the unfinished do it yourself jobs and the long list of more do it yourself jobs I've got in the wings.
Like what, you might ask?

I want an island!!!!!

and fewer walls!

1.  Ripping out half the floor cabinets in the kitchen to move the dishwasher and install an island.
2.  Sanding the kitchen cabinets back down to wood and staining and finishing with chalkboard paint for the doors.
3.  Getting rid of the current "living room" furnishings and turning that room back into a dining room (you know since the island won't leave room for a table!)
4.  Hacking an old desk into pieces and salvaging the hutch on top to use as shelving and getting rid of another old desk to be replaced with the "new" desk that's currently sitting in the middle of the office.  (on top of the carpeting that has to come out!)
5.  Sanding and refinishing the staircase.
6.  Building a detached garage.
7.  Expanding the back deck.
8.  Restoring two antique chairs.
9.  Building two bookcases for the bedroom to flank the double window.
10.  Replacing the kitchen sink.
11.  Building access doors for the upstairs plumbing in both closets.
12.  Tearing out two load bearing walls in the den/office/foyer to open the rooms up.
13.  Installing new laminate flooring in the den/office/living room or depending on how the projects end up, the dining room lol
14.  Finding a corner cabinet to replace the sink cabinet in the master bath.
15.  Painting the entire interior of the house.
16.  Adding crown molding to the den.
17.  Ripping out the double window in the kitchen to replace with french doors, once the back deck is expanded.
18.  Building and installing new shelving for the utility room.
19.  Getting rid of at least half the "stuff" in my entire house, which of course involves a truck and many many trips to the dump and Goodwill, or a major miracle.
20.  Builidng an all in one cabinet with a liftable top to create a "covered" litterbox that's still easy to clean and would work as a window seat too.
I think I'll stop the list now, I'm depressing myself.  Ugh!
So you're wondering where the eagle part comes in right?  Well apparently, we have a mated pair of eagles living just off the James River here in Richmond and they've just mated and laid two eggs.  How is that a problem you might ask?  The CCB (Center for Conservation Biology) is doing a study on the ecology of the mated eagle population along the Chesapeake Bay.  As part of that project, they've installed live action cameras on the nests.  You guessed it.  I've been watching the eagles.  They did a contest or a poll of some type for Richmond and the city named the eagles Virginia and James.  Virginia of course for the state and James for the river.  Pretty cool.  She's such a good momma!  I've been mesmerized.  James brings her fish and twigs and grass, and every once in a while, she'll take off a fly a bit and you can see the little eagle eggs laying there.  Sometimes she'll take off and he'll settle over the eggs to take care of them until she comes back.  It's totally fascinating.  You can click here if you want to check them out!  It's worth the click!
To end this particularly rambling post, let's put one and one and one together shall we?
Cats = constant cleaning.Remodeling = focus and ability to stay awakeCats + Remodeling = Bigger MessCats + Remodeling + Cleaning = Lots of work.Eagle Cam = Total Distraction.
So cats + cleaning + remodeling = Good.Cats + cleaning + remodeling + eagle cam = Bad.
Somebody send help.  Please!?!?!?!?!?  
I've gotta go for now, Virginia is being awfully cute today!

Virginia and James, aren't they fabulous?

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If I Could Change One Thing.....

Okay so, I asked you guys to ask me anything and I got some good questions, but only from a few of you!

I'm still taking questions though, figured it would be a fun way to help you guys learn more about me, and perhaps entertain as well!  AubrieAnne really kicked it into high gear and gave me a bunch of questions, but the one I'm picking for today is....

(insert drum roll here)

If you could change one thing about your daily routine, what would it be?

Yes, I know I picked the easiest one first, but alas there's a reason.  Kiddo had her first day of work today and it was my stepfather's birthday, so I'm just now getting around to posting here and didn't want to skip the day, so here ya go.

If I could change one thing about my daily routine, I'd definitely add more waking hours.

While most people have sleep disorders that keep them awake, I've got one that makes me wanna sleep.  Pretty much all the time.  I get up and an hour later, I'm ready to take a nap.  When I was tested, I fell into REM sleep within two and a half minutes of laying down.  At night, and at four separate times during the following day.  After seven years of Ritalin and Adderall, they've become non-effective so I'm pretty much on my own until someone comes up with a new drug.

I can tell you that it's difficult to get everything done in eight hours.  It might be easier if they were eight consecutive hours, but I get through my day usually in two to three hour increments of being awake.  On top of that, the issue is compounded because the disease also affects focus and concentration, so I can start out washing the dishes and leave them half done to go rake the yard.  Needless to say it's challenging to keep up with the normal day to day housework that needs to be done, much less anything else.

I make fun of it a lot, laugh about sleeping my life away and I'm generally a pretty positive person, but it's quite frustrating to be honest.  I guess the humor is a coping mechanism because some days it would be pretty easy to just sit down and cry.

So yep, that's it.  I'd add about ten hours less sleep and have the spotless house that I've always wanted, and well, plenty of hours in the day to blog.  We won't even go there.  Writing is my heart, whether it's a book, or a poem or a blog post, so yeah, pretty sure I do a lot more writing and a lot less cleaning than I probably should, but the dustbunnies haven't taken over and demanded a ransom yet, so I think we're okay!

Great questions AubrieAnne, thanks for the reply and I'll catch another one (one that requires a bit more thought) on tomorrows post!

When Writing Goes Wrong...or Right....or Write.....UGH!

I'm beginning to think I'm a narcoleptic with attention deficit disorder.

How the heck does that work anyway?  I'm supposed to be doing Nano and what am I doing?  Writing and making new blogs.  Okay, so maybe I had some help from my kiddo, but still.  My novel remains largely untouched and I'm getting pissy about it.  Chase is strangely quiet and stuck in freeze frame outside her apartment building while life goes on around her.  Let's just hope Stevie doesn't find another crush while she's there.  I've actually got a picture of her in my head, and she's an action figure.  Ugh.  This is NOT good.

So what happens when you get stuck on a scene?

My husband keeps telling me to skip it and move on, but I caaaaaaaaaaaan't!  I've tried.  I know there are some writers who can write random scenes from their novels completely out of order but so help me, I haven't figured out how to do that.  Maybe I could use my cleaning methods on writing?  Hubby complains about that too.  I start cleaning by vacuuming, and the next thing you know all the furniture is in the kitchen and I'm painting the walls, and a couple or maybe dozen hours later the room is clean and spotless and has that new paint smell.  It works there, why can't I get it to work when I'm writing?

I know the narcolepsy has a lot to do with how I do things.  When I was on the Ritalin, I was focused.  Sharp.  Alert.  Even when I was sleeping 14 hours a day.  Wow, those were the days.  TEN whole hours of awake and alert.  My how far we've fallen.  Now I'm  up at noon, napping at two and six and nine and back in bed at twelve.  Is it any wonder I can't write?  At least my novel.

Instead, I start a new blog.  Yep.  One that's not work.  Just fun, all the time.  I guess writing is writing but unless someone wants to syndicate my blogs and pay me scads of money (in that case, have your lawyer call my lawyer and we'll work that out) it's not doing me any good financially where a novel, in my wildest dreams mind you, might make me some money.  One day.  A little.  Maybe.

Maybe Chase is just tired, but I'm about ready to shake her ass awake so she'll start talking again.  In the meantime, I'll just keep writing for fun and fortune (hint hint) and fame (more hints) and let the pages flutter as they may!  Maybe soon the pages won't look like these.

Where To Go From Here.....Lost in Life

I'm long past that rosy future stage of my life.  I think I gave those glasses to Goodwill.

Once upon a time, things were....or seemed to be much easier.  Getting a job was simply a matter of putting yourself out there and applying.  Now?  Not so easy.  At least it hasn't been for me.  The part that kills me is that I'm a creative mind.  My husband came up with the idea for a pre-lit Christmas tree about twenty years ago.  I came up with the idea for pet insurance just about that long go.  Both of those ideas were swept away by someone else with more money or initiative or something and we sit here at home looking at those ValPak coupons with ads for pet insurance and the WalMart flyers with sales on pre-lit Christmas trees.

Last year I worked for Calendar Club.  You've probably seen the kiosks in malls where you live or even shopped them a time or two.  For those of you who aren't familiar with the concept, it's a system where you pay an upfront deposit, and the company sends you everything you need to set up a seasonal kiosk in the mall to sell calendars and sometimes games.  Black Friday last year, we sold over six grand.  As the season wound to a close, I found myself walking around the mall more and more.  There was this perfect storefront that was vacant and everytime I walked by it, I could visualize the tattoo and piercing shop I wanted to open.  I spent one whole day at work sketching out the artwork for the logo.  Went home and recreated it as a graphic image and was so excited I could barely sit still.

Now, you're probably wondering why I didn't go for it?  Well let me explain.  I'm broke.  Literally.

Have you ever noticed that when you're struggling financially everything costs more?  No?  Well take a look at it.  You bounce a check, you have to pay anywhere from thirty to sixty bucks in overdraft fees.  Get your utilities cut off?  You have to pay a reconnect fee and sometimes a deposit.  Get behind on your mortgage?  You REALLY don't want to do that.  You end up paying lawyer fees in the effort to keep the house you call home.  Some people might say to just sell the house, move into an apartment.  Well people, I've lived in my house for seventeen years.  In case you're in the same position, I'll share another little secret.  Apartment costs have skyrocketed.  Sure, there are places that cost a little less than my current mortgage, but let's face it, they come with benefits.  If you're feeling optimistic.  Benefits like having an armed next door neighbor, in case someone tries to break in.  Benefits like added police security...in the form of cruisers having your neighborhood memorized street by street.  Benefits like having your windows nailed shut in case you've always longed for a more creative way to escape a raging inferno.

So skip that little negativity rant and we'll move on.

It costs a small fortune to start a business.  A fortune that if you're in the category mentioned above, doesn't leave banks and lenders in a positive mind set when you go asking for a business loan.  We've all heard how easy it is for women and minorities to get funding to help start a business, but from what I've seen?  That's as much of a pipe dream as the idea that our economy is going to make a miraculous turnaround.

Once upon a time, I had a great job.  At least it seemed to be.  Until one day the boss walked in and said "I love you to death, but it's time we part ways."  Huh?  Maybe the "love you to death" part was buttering me up for the fact that he had no intention of paying me the almost $17,000 he owned me in back wages.  Or maybe it was to get me to reconsider filing for unemployment.  His lawyer seemed to think that would be easy.  "Let's offer Donna $3,000 as a settlement and tell her she can't file for unemployment either."  I'd say that wouldn't work, but it did.  I turned down the offer, and instead got nothing.  No unemployment, no settlement, no back wages.

Before you say anything, I'll tell you this.  I tried.

I went to the labor board.  They said they wouldn't deal with any amount over $10,000.  I offered to settle for that, but I'd already turned in my paperwork and that would have been fraud I was told.

No money to hire a lawyer, so I talked to Legal Aid.  Apparently we make too much money to qualify.  Too much being $20,000 a year.  Yeah, let's see you live on that these days.

Talked to the Commonwealth Attorney who assured me after viewing all the evidence that my boss would be taken from his home in handcuffs.  Felony stuff he said.  Couple of weeks later, after not hearing anything and calling a half dozen times, I was told there was "nothing they could do."  Oh.  Okay.  No reason, just nothing they could do.

Oh well right?

Little did I know at the time that I was gearing up to take part in a sleep fest.

I was diagnosed with what they call "Ideopathic Hypersomnia" about the same time.  Basically, it's narcolepsy without the annoying leg tremors and hallucinations.  Easy fix right?  They gave me a prescription for Ritalin and that worked great.  For about two weeks.  My house was immaculate.  I made so many craft projects I'm still trying to give them all away.  I was awake for three days straight, slept an entire day and did it all over again.  Then things evened out and my life became a bit more normal.  Still couldn't' get up in the morning without wanting to weep at the loss of warm sheets and a to-die-for pillow, but I could manage.  Fast forward a year or two and the Ritalin isn't working so well.  So they try Adderall.  Blah, Blah, Blah.  Same thing, different day.

Fast forward again.  Meds don't work at all anymore.  I can take three of either right before bed and sleep like a baby.  Until noon or later the next day.  Sleep doctor says I'm screwed.  Nothing new on the horizon, so best file for disability.

That's an entirely new animal.  I do recommend though that anyone attempting to file for disability do so through Allsup.  They've been a huge help to me, filling out all the paperwork for me, counseling me on anything from how long this might take to what happens if I'm denied.  I'm still waiting so the question remains....what do I do now?

I WANT to do so much.  I'm intelligent, creative, dedicated, loyal, and a lot of other positive things so why do I still struggle with making ends meet?  I've tried online businesses, selling crafts, did the whole home business thing, I've applied to over a 1,000 different jobs and not so much as a call back for an interview.  People have said it's because of my age and the fact that I was making too much money at my last job.  The same company could hire my daughter and pay her half of what they paid me easily and she'd be overjoyed and perhaps give them another 30 years which I'm unable to do anymore.  Is it that bad really?  That companies don't care about the skills or experience an older person could bring to the table?

I have no idea what to do anymore.  The bills pile up and I've pulled off about as many miracles as I can.  I'm hardly a miracle worker despite so far having held onto our house for four years on one income.  So that's where I am today.  Still sick, still depressed, still waiting for a half dozen things to coalesce so I can pay my bills and keep a roof over our heads.  Today is just one of those days that I feel like hanging it all up.  Giving up completely.  I can't, and I won't.  I'm not a person who gives up, but some days it's nice to just think about it.