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Thursday, February 24, 2011

Thirty Days of Truth - Day Nine

Since I'm feeling a bit better today, and because I'm finding that I've lost quite a few followers throughout my away time which makes me terribly sad, I'm going to try to catch up here a little bit.  So to get the show on the road, here we go.  Day Nine.

Someone you didn't want to let go, but just drifted.

There have actually been quite a few of these, I think another side effect of my sleeping disorder.  In some ways it's a lot like depression, or maybe it's the depression that is a side effect of the disorder, I don't know.  It's hard to force myself to do things sometimes.  Well, a lot of times.  I don't call people like I should, I mean to send cards and keep in touch and time just keeps passing and then I feel like it's ridiculous to try to regain something that's slowly slipping away.  I'm actually in that place right now with one person even as we speak.

The first was one of my best friends.  We worked together at the grocery store, were literally inseparable, and then we got married.  Had kids and had disagreements about how to best be a Mom.  She didn't understand why I couldn't drive out the hour to her house and just let Kitty sleep on the way there and back.  I was a "When it's bedtime, Kitty gets her crib" kinda Mom.  No driving around all hours of the night with her sleeping in the car seat.  Go figure huh?  A narcoleptic obsessed over her infants sleeping habits.  Oh well.  I haven't spoken to or seen her in years and some day?  I wish I'd done things differently, wish I'd kept in touch.  Other days, I'm just thinking that it's a two way street and what's meant to be will always be.

The next, oddly enough was family.  My cousin.  We grew up almost six hours apart, but with parents who can't drive it seems a lot farther.  We visited during the summers and sometimes they spent time with us during the summer.  We were like sisters until boys came along.  I guess that's no surprise.  She didn't want to leave her boyfriend of the moment to come to Richmond for a week, so we spent less and less time together.  Then we got married, had kids six months apart.  Then she went through a series of divorces, moved around a lot, things got difficult and well, now I haven't talked to or seen her in probably 10 years.

The last one?  I'm halfway trying to keep it from happening, but I think it's at the stage that it's almost inevitable.  I've mentioned that I roleplay.  For two years, I roleplayed with this person, and for two years we created one of the most intense, most realistic relationships I think you can in writing.  I devoted so much time and energy in the writing it was like an extension of myself.  I know at the time that it was something I NEEDED.  To create something that was perfect because my life had fallen apart.  No job, health sucking, no money, seemingly no hope.  When we wrote, all that disappeared and this miraculous story unfolded.  Unfortunately, people do what the need to do when they need to do it, and sometimes, it's to fill a void.  I don't know if that was the case for her, but after two years, she found other things and stopped writing.  We tried to keep in touch on facebook, and we still talk, although it's rare.  I think I still feel hurt that she walked away the way she did, even though I can't blame her for it.  I don't know, I don't want us to ever NOT be friends, but right now it just feels so distant and I miss those days when we talked every day and shared so much together.

And that my friends, is the end for now.   Another day, another truth.

Yours truly,


-Mallori said...

I honestly think that if you've lost readers over not posting consistently, then they were probably trying to follow just to get a follow back.

I don't know exactly what all is with your sleeping disorder, but I know I enjoy your posts when they do come up on my reader, no matter how many days there are between them!

I love your layout by the way! Similar to your previous layout but completely different too!

Have a good weekend!

Sherri said...

Donna. Again I can totally relate to this post. I have anxiety & have lost many a friends because of it. I'm trying to find peace with it...I'm hopeful it will come someday:) Thank you again for touching my soul with your honest, beautiful writing!xo

AJ said...

I find that you and I seem to have a lot of the same issues. I have Fibromylagia and with that comes pain, chronic fatigue, anxiety, and depression. I find myself with friends that have come and gone and currently no IRL friends and no one but my husband to really talk to. I've been trying to make more on-line friends but still not doing as well as I had hoped there.

Katie said...

Donna, I know I went backwards reading the posts. I wish I read this first. But there's a reason I didn't I suppose, because everything happens for a reason. You mentioned that you are happy with everyone in your life and there isn't anyone you wouldn't want in it. Reading this post, I wouldn't think of these people, friends/family that you lost but think of them as that part of your life has past. You have moved on and now your in your next chapter, they just happen to not be written into that part of your book. :)


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