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Monday, January 30, 2012

When Friends Really Need You - Please Read!

On April 2, 2011, one of my best friends in the world had her life changed forever.

Michelle has always been full of life, keeping busy, being a mother, an ex-wife, a girlfriend, a career woman, a friend, a sister, a daughter, the whole nine.  Just a week before April 2, she got married to the love of her life.  They had a small wedding but it was beautiful.  Michelle wore a red dress and looked like a million bucks.

A week later, she and her brand new husband when four wheeling.  Her day ended in the hospital.  Her four wheeler flipped and broke her spine.  She's now paralyzed from the waist down and the doctors say she'll never walk again.

If you're wondering why I haven't posted about this before now, I'll tell you why.

Me and Michelle are pretty much just alike.  We're stubborn, headstrong and mean when we need to be.  We both refuse to ask for help from anyone unless we absolutely have to and then we hate it.  Strong to us has equaled total independence.  Not needing anyone.

I know a lot of you will say something about that, and I've tried to do better, but it's hard.  It's like for people who are like that it's not a decision, it's hard-wired into the brain and it's not easy to just change, no matter how silly you sometimes realize it is to be that way.  We all need help sometimes, right?

Well, I've barely talked to Michelle since all this happened because I know her.

She did exactly what I knew she'd do.  She shut down and internalized, all the while trying to be everything to everyone like she's always done.  She pushed herself to go back to work after only three months.  She forces herself to get up and get dressed and do what needs to be done, even when she doesn't feel like it.

She's got two boys of her own and three stepchildren now.  

She's struggling now.  Emotionally, mentally, and of course physically.

How is it fair that she can't feel anything in her legs except pain.  Burning.  Pins and needles. Constant pain.

She refuses to take pain medications that will make her a zombie, because it's Michelle, she's got things to do.  

We finally talked today.  I told her how much I loved her and she told me the same.  We just know.  We don't have to talk every day or every week or even every month to know.  We know each other well enough to know that we'll always be there for each other when we really NEED it.  

After talking to her though, I realized that there's more I can do.  I've got resources.  I've got people who come hear and read, people who follow me on Twitter and you've all got friends and people.  Right now her medical bills are over a million bucks.  You and I both know she'll never get that paid off.  That's after the insurance payments have been made.  The financial strain is adding up on top of the other issues she's dealing with.  So....I'm asking because I can ask for people I love even when I can't for myself.

I've never put a donate button on my blog, but I think this warrants one.  I'll keep the button on my blog and I'll add it to every post I write from now on.  If you can't afford to donate, it's all cool, just say a little prayer for her and maybe tell a friend about this post and drive some traffic my way.  If you can donate, well I'd appreciate it more than you know.  Michelle would too.

I haven't told her about this post and I won't until I've got some money to give her.  I'm pretty sure she'll be okay with this, but like I said she's stubborn, and it's easier to ask forgiveness than permission right?

If you're willing, please post a blog for us, linking to this post so we can get the word out and maybe get donations that I wouldn't get without your help.  Your help would mean the world to me and to Michelle too!

Support Michelle Fundraiser

Sunday Fluff

So I realized I haven't posted for a day or two and since it's 13 minutes until midnight, it's still Sunday, and I'm pretty much out of words, so I'm going back to the whole "visual feast" thingy.  Hope you enjoy!

All images courtesy of Tumblr, my new love.

Thanks for stopping by, you're all.....

Friday, January 27, 2012

Thirty Days of Truth - Day Seventeen

Another chapter in the oddity that is me begins here.  Day Seventeen and a book that changed your life.

I'm going to take you back a way....a long way actually, to when I was a mere sweet sixteen and in private school that I loathed.  We had a reward system there.  Read a book every week, write a report on it, and stand up in front of the ENTIRE school and do a book report and you got privileges that allowed you to pretty much do whatever you wanted as long as you stayed on school property.  Combine, well, me with that privilege and you know where I learned to speak in front of large groups of people.  I did it every single week for two years.

Being a very small school, we had a limited library, so needless to say toward the end of those two years, I started running out of reading material.

All that time, there on the shelf sat this ONE book.  All alone, perhaps due to it's girth.  You KNOW I don't remember how many pages that freaking book had now, but I'm ballparking around 863.  If memory serves.  It's been sitting there for almost two years taunting me.  I've picked it up and read a little, but in the first place it was published in 1809 and I'm sixteen.  Ugh.  It's by a woman named Jane Porter whom of course I've never heard of.  And it's l.o.n.g.  No way I can finish this book in a week and give a report on it.

Finally, it happens.  It's the last book on the shelf, so it's me sitting the rest of the year in a little cubicle with partitions on both sides of me so I can't see anything except directly in front, or read the freaking book and being free.

Now you're curious aren't you? Mhm.

The book is titled The Scottish Chiefs.  It's the historical account of the live of Sir William Wallace.  I've seen it touted as historical and as historical romance.  Not buying the romance, it's factual and that's a part of it, but it's beyond that by spades.

I vividly remember the night I started reading it.  My bedroom was a color I'll not admit in public, and my bed was that white with the gold trim.  I had the matching chest and dresser and even the desk with matching chair.  My bedspread was that white bumpy stuff that all the little old ladies used to have but it was warm and snuggly and I loved it.  There was a window directly across from the foot of my bed that looked out onto the main street and a huge maple tree my grandmother had planted in the yard that eventually had to be cut down because of the power lines.  There was a window to the left of my bed that looked out across our street to the Farris' house.  A lovely old couple who worked in the yard all day every day and never failed to have something nice to say.  I used to help them weed those little purple flowers also favored by the old folks that seemed to want to take over the world if you'd let them.  Alas, I digress.

I curled up in bed and took the paper jacket off because I always mess those up.  Then I started reading.  I admit the first few pages or even chapters were hard, but it didn't take long.

Jane Porter wrote this in a preface.....

"In seeking to go back, by the traces of recollection, to the period when the first impression of the heroes which form the story of the Scottish Chiefs was made on my mind, I am carried so completely into the scenes of my infancy, that I feel like one of the children old tales tell of, who, being lost in a wood, tries to find her way home again, by the possibly preserved track of a few corn seeds she had chanced to scatter on the ground as she came."

I won't go into detail as honestly, I don't remember all that much, other than that I was mesmerized.  I didn't want to put it down.  Even with the sometimes difficult to understand terminology, the use of old, old, old Kings English, etc., it was spellbinding.  I gave my book report the very next Friday and was granted my freedom once again.  I finished the book in four days.  Probably skipped some homework assignments, but I finished the book.

That book is the book that introduced me to reading.  Really reading.  Not to pass a test or for required reading, not just to be granted another week of freedom, but to sink into the pages and get lost.  To really enjoy the story, the characters, the work that goes into writing a novel.  

It's not even close, not by a long shot, but if you really need the reference, think "Braveheart".  Maybe it would have been more pleasant to read if I'd had that image of Mel Gibson as William Wallace while I was reading, or you know what, I don't think it would have.  Even after all these years, I can say with all honesty it's my favorite book ever.  Even if I don't remember that much of it.  I own it now.  My husband bought me a copy years ago and I think it might be time to go back and pick it up again.

Until next time......

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Thirty Days of Truth - Day Sixteen

Oh yeah, day sixteen!  Something you could definitely live without.  Let me count the ways, I mean things, I could live without!

Drama:  I say this in the final stretch of raising a teenage daughter.  She's 19 now.  Please tell me the drama ends here!  Seriously though, she's not all that bad, sometimes I'd like to beat her with wet noodles about the head and shoulders sure, but all in all, not too often.  I actually see more drama from adults these days than teenagers and it makes my blood boil, so much so that I'm actually glad I've reached hermit status.

Wrinkles:  Nuff said.  In clothes and skin.

Mean People:  I don't get that.  Life's too short to spend your time being mean or vindictive.

Politics:  Again, nuff said.

Alarm clocks:  I know the world functions on them, but for me, not so much and I loathe them.  Years of being regulated by them killed the love if ever there was love.

Allergies:  Is there even a purpose?  Ugh.  (Aaaaaaachoo!)

Slow Drivers:  Yes, I'm a speed demon.  I'm an aggressive driver.  I'm a nightmare behind the wheel to all who do less than twenty miles over the speed limit :D

Pantyhose:  Obviously designed by a man.

Bras:  See pantyhose above.

Negativity:  Yes, the glass IS half full damnit!

Phones:  Except for texting :D

Facebook diaries:  Yes, you know who they are, those people who use facebook to tell you how they spend every second of every day.

Okay, I think I could probably go on for a day or twenty, so let's sum it up that those are some of my fave things I could do without.  Don't judge me!  I do wear bras, I just don't like them.

Have a nice day :D

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Hello, I'm Donna and I'm a Food Network Addict.

There I said it.  Are there eleven more steps or something I don't know about?  Ugh.  I hope I'm not going to get bogged down with weekly meetings and steps and sponsors now.  I'm really not into the whole organized life kinda thing and that would just screw with my sleeping schedule.

So how does it start?  You're flipping through the channels looking for something to watch, it's late at night and you hear the words "cotton candy, turducken, dr. pepper and anchovies".  Part of your brain shuts down.  Literally.  You stare at the screen and over the next ten minutes you sit watching in awe or shock or disbelief or something as two people pull together a dessert you'd die for out of those particular ingredients and you're thinking to yourself "This must be some alternate universe!"

It's called Chopped.  And that's where the addiction started.  Like my first sip of Baileys.  There's no going back.  For better or worse, I found it's on the "catch up" section of Comcast OnDemand which means I could catch up.  I went to bed when the sun was rising.  Watched it all night long.  I finally learned what a reduction is.  I learned what a freaking turducken is which still seems like a crime against nature or at least poultry.  I learned that a lot of the stuff I knew how to make already has fancy french names that make it sound a whole lot more yummy.

From there it went to the Great Food Truck Race, and then to Restaurant Impossible.  I do love Robert Irvine. I progressed to Drivers, Dine Ins and Dives and then to Iron Chef.  Not crazy about that one, but I'll watch if I have tv time and nothing else interests me.  I did love "The Next Iron Chef" though, I think because I already knew Alex Guarnaschelli and Geoffrey Zakarian from Chopped and Robert Irvine from Restaurant Impossible.   I was never crazy about Anne Burrell until I discovered "The Worst Cooks in America".  She's won me over!  She's so cute and sweet and energetic and just a little bit crazy.

I denied my addiction for a long time.  I refused to watch Rachel Ray or Paula Dean or Sunny Anderson or that really creepy woman who smiles all the freaking time and really makes me uncomfortable.

Then "Rachel vs. Guy" came on.  Ugh.  I didn't want to like Rachel Ray.  I love Guy, he does Triple D and he's got that crazy thing that makes me like him, plus how cool would it be to drive around in a soft top Camaro and eat all day? He's actually got a sunglass tan!   I'll be honest, that's my kinda job!

I loved the Food Network Challenges, the huge cakes, the pumpkin carvings etc., fell in love with Cupcake Wars, I mean really?  Who wouldn't love cupcakes and wars mish mashed together?  Paula Dean still freaks me out though.  I think it's the teeth, but I'm not sure.  Jury's still out on that one.  That woman loves her some butter doesn't she?

Well, one day I was sitting on the couch, all ready to go out with my Kitty Princess, waiting for her to get ready......and Sunny Anderson was on.  A southern girl, with southern food.  Damnit.  That day I stopped by the grocery store and that night I made chicken meatballs and spinach pesto linguini.

That night I was also forced to admit my addiction.

Maybe I subliminally admitted it even earlier when I asked my in-laws for a food processor for Christmas.  Or maybe it was the first time I used it and felt like some kitchen goddess.

How does this story end?  I don't know.  I can tell you my husband just got home and looked at me with that little grin that I love, the one that shows his dimples, and said.....  "Food Network again?  Seriously?"

I have food in my freezer and refrigerator and I now know how to make risotto, and panzenella.  I know what a turducken is, and how to cook a zucchini flower, and I made chicken meatballs from scratch, even ground my own chicken in my handy dandy food processor.  Now my food processor stays in the kitchen drainer after being washed every single day.  I have a grocery list on my fridge and I know where my baking power, cornstarch and flour are, maybe for the first time in twenty years.

Now I have to buckle down and finally finish my kitchen renovation since my countertops are two different colors and my cabinets are maybe four different colors because I can't decide, so I keep trying new colors.  Maybe one day I'll pull it all together, but for now, gotta run, I'm making lemon ginger marinated chicken with fresh rice and steamed veggies.  Yum!

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Thirty Days of Truth - Day Fifteen

Someone or something you couldn't live without, because you've tried.

Wow.  Really?  Whoever came up with these questions are making a person really think.  To be honest with you I'm still thinking.  I figured I'd start writing and see what I come up with because I honestly couldn't think of anything, other than the obvious things I couldn't do without, but then I'm not living without those things so it's a hard question.  I feel like I have to think of something deep and meaningful, but those are usually things you don't try to live without right?  So again, how would you know?

I'll admit to the world, I'm a smoker.  I don't want to quit.  Have no desire to.  Could I if I wanted to?  Yeah.  That's a no dice.

Coffee?  Yeah, can do without that, wouldn't like it even though it's not a die hard habit.

Chocolate?  Nah, couldn't live without it, but have never tried, so again it's a nix.

Television?  Electronics?  Surprise, surprise?  Could so live without those.  In fact, I wish there was like one day a week nationwide when NO electronics were allowed at all.  Cellphones, televisions, computers, the whole nine yards.  A day to get back to the basics, lock out the outside world in your home and spend time with nothing but the people you love the most.

Hmmm, what next.....

Money.  Ugh.  I'm talking here the money most people take for granted.  The money that allows you to take a vacation, pay your bills, eat out every once in a while, that kind of thing.  I've never been homeless or destitute so I'm not even going there.  I can tell you that when we went from making a LOT of money to not having enough to pay our bills was tough.  I wouldn't WANT to go through that again, but honestly?  I could live.  We used to go all out for Christmas.  My husband and I would spend upwards of thousands on each other for Christmas.  When we couldn't pay our bills, we chose to nix Christmas gifts for each other all together.  For the past five years we haven't exchanged gifts at all.  You know what?  It's been great.  No worrying about expectations, finding the "perfect" gift, it's really been great.  We can focus all our attention on our daughter and have had the best Christmases ever.  This year when we COULD afford to buy gifts for each other, we still chose not to.  We had a fantastic holiday.  I could go without the stress of worrying about having my house foreclosed on but again, we're talking about being able to make it and we managed to make it somehow or other.

I'm floundering here now, can you tell?  I haven't really had to live without anything I couldn't live without.  I'm going to get all deep now I there really anything you can't live without?  Other than air, food, water, shelter?  Back in 1981 I'd have told you I couldn't live without my Dad, but I did.  I had to.

I guess I really suck at the whole thirty days of truth thing because I'm either not able to see the humor in it or I'm just too.....something.....easy going?  Naive?  Something.  Selfish maybe?  I have never voluntarily given up anything I couldn't live without.  Who would?  If it's not voluntary, why would you give it up?  Am I missing something here?  Maybe I need to go read some other people's so I can get a new perspective.  Maybe I thought this through TOO much and missed something obvious.  I'm taking this too literally I think, but it's thirty days of truth and I'm trying to be truthful.  Maybe I need to leave now and visit fail blog or something!

Wednesday, January 11, 2012


So I'm a fan of tattoos and piercings.  I've only got two tattoos, but quite a few piercings, at least until lately.

A few months ago we started going to church again, and since in the past my piercings have caused some commotion in that environment, I took them out for services.  Well, me being me, I just kept putting off putting some of them back in.  Basically, the only ones I kept in were the ones in my ears, the normal ones and my industrial and a few cartiledge piercings.  I took out my tongue, eyebrow, nose and tragus.

Well, a couple of weeks ago, I started looking for my "box-o-piercing paraphernalia".  Of course with me being the disorganized person I am, it took me until today to find it.  Now, I'll mention that I looked online to see how quickly those particular piercings might remain open and I kind of figured I'd blown it.  Most of them said they'll only stay open a week or two at most and it's been months soooooo, I figured I was out of luck.  Lots of initial pain down the drain.

Being the stubborn woman that I am though, I figured what the heck, it's worth a try right?

Tongue was no problem, maybe because I've already pierced it twice by myself after the initial piercing, the freaking hole is probably big enough to lose a fruit loop in.  On that note, I'll state that it's kinda fun to eat Fruit Loops cuz you can get them around the little ball on the top of your tongue and it's just kinda cool.  Go figure, I've got an odd sense of humor.

Next up, the nose.  I've got a really tiny nose.  My husband says it looks kinda like a big zit instead of a nose.  He thinks it's cute.  I used to wear a little silver hoop in my nose because it's so small if I use a regular post it sticks out a little cuz my nose is too small for the whole post to be on the inside.  Living with the number of cats I do, it's not surprising that it disappeared when I took it out and left it on the coffee table.  Yeah.  Probably never find it again, so I decided to try the post.  End result, ended up piercing my nose again.  Pain wasn't too bad all things considered and I'm happy it's not a lost cause.  I can still take it out if I need to and as long as I don't wait too long I don't lose the piercing for good.

Not really into the eyebrow one anymore so I let that one go.  Not worried if it's closed up or not.

The tragus though?  Yeah, wanted to keep those.  Those were actually the ones I was LEAST worried about.  I've got quite a few cartiledge piercings and a couple I didn't have anything in for years and they never closed.  I figured no problem right?  Dun dun dun.


Those were if not completely then dang close to completely closed.  Have you ever tried piercing a body part with a screw?  That's kinda what it felt like.  I sat here and kept screwing the post against where the hole was supposed to be until I literally heard an audible pop and wa-lah I have pierced tragus again!  Needless to say my ears now hurt like a bear, but I can say I didn't waste any money letting them close up, so if you're me, that's a logical conclusion.  If you're not me which you obviously aren't, you're probably reading this going.....

What the bloody hell is wrong with this woman!?!?!?!?!?

You'd be right.

Call me stubborn, or crazy, but I got it done and I feel like me again!

Sunday, January 8, 2012

The Kitten Story

Everyone who knows me knows I've become the official Crazy Cat Lady.  I've hinted around in my blogs, my husband dedicated several whole posts to the situation so I figured it's time to tell the story.

It started about three years ago with a tomcat who showed up at our house.

We thought at the time he was a stray and we named him Eddie Vedder.  He showed up like clockwork every day.  Usually at the front door.  He'd proceed to walk his little (or not so little) rear end right in the front door through the house and out the back door to eat.  In time, we found out that he actually belonged to one of our neighbors.  By then, he refused to go home.  Unfortunately, by then, he didn't want to go home anymore.  He stuck around our house, at least as much as any tomcat will.

Eddie was all man.  He'd fight his own shadow.  Beat up any cat that came around what he considered his territory.  He also brought his girlfriends here.  The stuck around and started what I call the "Eddie Dynasty".  Over the years I fed upwards of thirty and forty cats on my deck.  I watched them come and go, live and yes, die.  I've got more cats buried in my backyard that any person should have.  They all have little slate markers and I remember every one of them.

Everyone told me I had to get them spayed and neutered.  That would have been a great idea if I could have caught them.  Ever tried to catch a feral cat?  Yeah, not easy.  I had no money to buy traps, and everyone who promised to let me borrow theirs ended up letting me down.  I either didn't hear back from them or the traps were in use by someone else, or something.  Then there was Eddie.  Can you take someone else's cat in to get it altered?  I wasn't sure.

In the end, I made a decision.  I stopped feeding them outside and opened the door so if they wanted to eat, they had to come in to do it.  I figured if I could make sure the kittens were born inside, I could socialize them so they'd be adoptable.

On March 28th, KJ or Mama K, had four little gray babies.  Baby, Jacks, Grayson and Noms.

On April 2, Muffin had four more.  Gizmo, the Dumplin Twins, and Fussy.

On April 18th, Deceptikitten had her four.  Kadie, TK, Slippers and Annabelle.

On April 20th, Juliet had hers.  Three that were stillborn and three more.  Molly, Lady and Lucy.

We watched them grow and finally got it worked out so all the Moms except KJ were spayed.

Surprise of all surprises, KJ got pregnant again.

Then Optikitten.

On August 15th, KJ had Toby, Ike, Tigger, Puddin and George W.

On August 18th, Optikitten had Winston, Charlotte and Campbell.

Are you doing the math yet?

Playing with the laser pointer.

That's 28 just mamas and babies.

Then there are our four, Boo Boo, Leeloo, Kameko and Cajun Tuscaloosa.

Then there's Tango and Oreo, two of Muffin's litter from last year that we're keeping in the house most of the time.

Brings the total up to 34.  In our house.  Eating.  Pooping.  Shedding.

Did I mention I'm allergic to cats?  Yeeeeah, fortunately it seems "immersion therapy" works wonders for allergies.  If you live through the immersion phase.

Fussy taking a bath

This past year has been insane.  I kept trying to find homes for them, called rescue organization after rescue organization but couldn't stand the thought of these little ones who have grown up with so much love and attention relegated to a three by three cage until someone fell in love with them.  In spite of everyone in our house coming close to losing our minds, I wasn't willing to let them go to shelters.  Plus, it actually costs money to surrender your animals.  Money I didn't have.

Finally at the end of my rope, I started a Facebook page.

Mama Kittys Rescue Mission.

Unfortunately, we lost Noms and Annabelle.  Noms was apparently damaged during birth.  He had neurological issues and in a terrifying and heartbreaking visit to the vet, he was put down.  I won't go into that because the vet was just horrible and the entire ordeal was too awful to relive, even in writing.

We're still not sure what happened with Annabelle, but she passed before we even had a chance to get her to the vet.

On the plus side, since the Facebook page, we've had some luck finding great homes for some of the babies.

Lucy was adopted first.

Then I found a great lady who volunteered to foster some for me while she helped me find homes for them.

She took Deceptikitten, and KJ's last litter.  They ended up keeping Winston and finding homes for Charlotte and Campbell.  She then took Baby and Slippers who are still waiting for homes.

My Mom took Kadie, and then for Christmas, we gave her Puddin.

Puddin and George W. Republicat

Since then, we've found homes for George W., Ike, Toby, and Fussy.

Another lady is coming to see Tigger tomorrow.

At the moment, I'll be honest, I've lost count of how many cats are in my house.  I know them all, love them all, most of them stay inside all the time and have never even been outdoors.  I've managed to get all of them spayed and or neutered except a couple of the females I'm still waiting for appointments for.  No one can get pregnant anymore though.  The girls who are still waiting are all in the house and there's no one in the house who can knock them up.  It's coming to an end at last.

Fussy loving on her brother

There are some I'm not sure about.  Jacks and Grayson don't love anyone but me.  They run when people come to look at them, so they're going to be hard sells.  Lady is the same way.  She's gorgeous, but impossible for most people to fall in love with because she "seems" completely anti-social.

When I sleep every night, I sleep surrounded by little furry bodies.  Usually six or seven curled up down my side and legs.  They're hot.  Like little furnaces and I'm having hot flashes.  Good thing I have a sleeping disorder and can sleep through most anything or I'd never get any sleep at all.  It's a good feeling though.

Knowing that you saved the lives of that many little ones.  Even if I'm still taking care of them, and even if they never get adopted, I'm okay with that.  I'd like to get back down to a manageable number of animals in my house.  They make cleaning difficult to say the least.  I've got enough cat hair in my house to collect and make about ten new cats.  They turn things over, break things, pull things down, but amazing they never bothered my Christmas tree.  They're good babies.  For the most part.

Winston, Charlotte and Campbell

I've been reported to Animal Control.  The officer came in and was amazed at how clean my house was.  How well cared for the cats were.  How fat they all were.  The fact that they'd all either been altered or had appointments to be.  That they all had rabies shots.  That they were all using litterboxes and that the litterbox area was clean.

The part that kills me is that if only our neighbor had taken his cat to be neutered, none of this would have happened.  In three years, ONE unaltered male has created over 100 kittens.  I ended up taking Eddie to be neutered.  He wasn't happy with me.  He's happy now though.  I thought he'd disappeared afterwards, but yesterday he showed up out of the blue.  Fat, happy and healthy.  For Eddie, that's something.  He was usually beat up, bleeding, limping or something from fighting.  Since he's been fixed, he's not fighting as much.  He looks great.

I guess I could go on forever, but I'll cut it short here.  With a plea to everyone who reads this blog.




Spay and neuter your pets.

You may say that you found homes for your kittens or puppies or what have you, but those homes are homes that other animals could have had.  Animals who could be euthanized if they don't get adopted.  Help stop the insanity.  Be a responsible pet owner.  Animals who are altered live healthier, happier lives and usually make much better pets.  It stops the male urge to roam and fight, and reduces the females liklihood of getting ovarian cancer.

There are low cost and even free clinics to facilitate spaying and neutering, and traps are available at most supply stores for a minimal cost.  If you're willing to put in the work, you can usually find organizations who loan them out.  You just have to work, because most of the people who staff places like that are volunteers, so sometimes the customer service isn't what you'd expect.  Just keep at it, and be responsible with your pets.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Thirty Days of Truth - Day Fourteen

So yes, I'm about a year behind on these, but better late than never right?

Day fourteen - A hero who has let you down.  (Letter)

Dear Dana,

Sometimes I still think back to when things were so different.  I admired you, respected you, looked up to you, and had so much faith in you it hurt.  I knew even then that your life wasn't perfect, but no ones is, and that's what makes us the people we are.  I thought we were friends.  I've had so few of those in my life that you probably had no idea how much it meant to me to feel that you really were and that you cared about me and my family.

I can't even really remember when things started to unwind, to progress to the point that it's like we never even knew each other.  I still smile though when I think back to the good times.  I remember you helping the Kitty Princess find the tiniest little things in the church yard.  I still don't know how on earth you did it.  A barbie shoe in a half acre of grass?  Amazing.

I know you've been through a lot, and I guess sometimes we hold people like you up to different expectations.  I never did though, I sympathized with you when things started coming out into the open, I protected you and took up for you to anyone who had anything bad to say about you.  When you moved away, I thought maybe we'd keep in touch.  I thought maybe things would be okay in time.  I know it's judgmental but I guess I thought you'd be different than the rest.  That you were sincere, but after going to your father's funeral to pay my respects, I realized that you're just as capable of the rhetoric as the rest of them.  The facade was caring, thankful to have me there, glad to see me and my family.  It was a facade though.  I'm seeing that more now.

When I finally messaged you on Facebook, it all came clear.  You're not who I thought you were.  I don't know if you ever were or if you were just better at playing the game than most.  I can't tell you how disappointed I was and still am.  I still miss you though, and I guess ignorance really is bliss.  I wish you well though, wherever you are and whatever life brings you.


Tuesday, January 3, 2012

To Resolution or Not?

That would be a no.  Resolution is a big word, full of failed expectations and no way in hell am I opening myself up to that!  It is the New Year tthough, so instead of making resolutions, I've decided to make a few open ended suggestions to myself and see how that goes.

Maybe in the next ten years I can work myself up to the commitment of an actual resolution.  Yes ladies, be very, very glad I was born with boobs, or I'd have been the oh so typical stereotype of an awful man.

So I've been thinking a lot about my blogs lately and it keeps coming back to the fact that I expect more of myself than I do from my readers, and when I do something I feel fails those expectations, I get pissy or upset or some primarily womanly emotion and don't want to face what I view as my own failure so I skip.

Granted, it HAS been crazy around here lately, the trial I spoke about in my last post back in June is over, and after five months in jail, my cousin was found innocent of all charges.  Wish I could say it ends there, but the other crap that goes along with a divorce is ongoing.  The Kitty Princess is....well good.  After she broke up with the bad boyfriend and stayed away for two months, she took him back and even got engaged.  Ugh.  Now they're apart (for good I think....or maybe hope) and she's kinda sorta seeing someone else.  Someone else with a five year old and a two year old, and it speaks volumes that I'm okay with that because it's still better than the last guy.  She's finally driving (her own 1995 BMW paid for with her own money) and is starting her second semester as a freshman at VCU on the 17th of this month.

Bad boyfriend threatened to kill us both, so we're keeping our guard up for the time being.  He's currently on probation so not quite as worried as I would be otherwise.  He has a pretty strong impulse to stay out of jail.

She's seeing a therapist at school and I hope that will help her get back some of the many things she lost from spending all those years in an emotionally and mentally abusive relationship.

As for everything else, well it comes and goes.  I think I'll do better with keeping up now since I finally got my phone all set up so I get all my stuff on it.  For some reason, I was avoiding my e-mail account like the plague and I guess I'm old enough that technology is starting to be more of a pain in the arse than a friend.  Ugh.  That just sounds old.  I take it back okay?

So I guess you're looking for some of those open ended suggestions huh?  Okay, okay.

1.  Find homes for the rest of the cats here.  If you're curious as to what that's all about click here!  I won't bore you with all the details right here, right now.  For the record that's what I've been doing with most of my time since I've been gone.

2.  Blog when it's the right time instead of forcing myself to do it when I feel I should.

3.  Spend as much time as possible with my family.

4.  Declutter.  House and life.

5.  Lose weight.  Enjoy life completely.

I guess that's the gist of it.  Life is short, the house will keep, the yard will still be there, it's the little things that have always meant the most, just once again, I get lost in the expectations.  Gonna try to stop doing that.  Today.
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