Okay Mommyland, gimme some 911

So today my 18 year old daughter stayed home from school.  She wasn't feeling all that great.

She slept late, til about 2, and then got up and helped me out a little bit putting up the tree and the rest of the Christmas decorations.  Then she stopped to get online.

Her boyfriend was online.

Her boyfriend is an ass.

Apparently, my house is a "hellhole" since he's allergic to cats and I have eight of them in the house.  When it was just four I never noticed the first sniffle, but now suddenly he refuses to come over unless I get rid of the strays that have started coming indoors at night time.  This is nothing new.  He is a pro at throwing temper tantrums to get what he wants.

During the course of this conversation I see my daughter on the computer crying.  Then she's off the computer and trying to pretend like everything is okay.  Then the phone rings.  The conversation that ensues is filled with her raised voice, lots of teary sounds and finally a full fledged sob as she ends the call and runs up the stairs to cry like a baby in her bedroom.

Now, I try not to get involved overly much.  She's 18 years old, and the decisions are hers to make.  I gave her a few minutes and went upstairs to check on her.

The talk summed up is this.

She says "It's all my fault."

Huh?

For the past three weeks her bf has been partying.  Hanging out with his best friend having a blast.  He used to come over here on Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays he'd pick her up and take her to his house, and then again sometimes on Sunday he'd be here.  I've fed him on these days for almost two years, put up with his often infantile behaviour and tried to get my daughter (subtly) to see the light.

No such luck.

He wants her to get her license (which we can't afford due to insurance premiums) drive an hour each way out to HIS house to see him.  Meanwhile he has NO job and is almost 21 years old.  His grandfather pays to put gas in his car, pays for his insurance, buys him cigarettes, and everything else he mooches off his friends.

My daughter on the other hand, goes to school full time and is now working 30 plus hours a week.

Apparently when he got online, she asked why he didn't call her when he woke up today.  This was around five p.m.?  He goes off and says how she's nagging him and is always crawling down his throat about what he's doing and when he's doing it.

She tries to explain that things he's said hurt her feelings and he's in the background joking around with his friend who he is tonight going to a movie with.  A movie he SAID he was going to invite her to, (no clue how he's paying to get in, more than likely mooching off his friend) until she went crazy and starting crawling down his throat.  Now, he had no money to take her to a movie.  This I know.  She has no money right now, and she admitted he lied to her about the movie, that he had no intention of taking her because he'd have to drive here to pick her up, an hour drive one way, and then bring her home.

So how is this HER fault?

He wants her to spend the night with him at his house.  Sorry, some of you guys may be okay with that, but I'm old school.  That is NOT okay.  He talks about her moving in with him.  Where?  His grandfathers house, because he sure as hell can't afford a cardboard box, much less an apartment.  He complains that I am too strict on her because I won't let her stay over and I won't let her stay out until daybreak when they do go out. He picks her up Fridays no later than 2 p.m., is 10 or 12 hours not enough time to do what they want to do?  No, the real truth is that he doesn't want her to go because she can't stay all night which means he can't drink and then drive her home.

I have NO idea what to do.  I'm at a loss.  I need to make her understand this isn't her fault, but she's not listening to anything I say.  She's got an answer for everything and I'm soooo sick and tired of this asshole guilting her every time they have a fight.  She doesn't see it, but he's destroying every bit of self-confidence she has and it's breaking my heart.

It's not often I ask for help, but if someone out there is seeing or knowing something I don't, I'd love to know what it is because I've got no clue anymore.